raise your hand
Aug. 8th, 2010 02:12 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
quarrelI think it was fifth grade, most likely social studies. I got to class early and used the extra time to drift about the room looking at things. Soon enough those extra minutes passed and class filled.
Once everyone was seated, the teacher announced we would be breaking into groups for a special activity and called for volunteers to lead them. Every single boy in the class except me raised his hand. Right there, in front of the class and with curiosity in her voice, she asked me why I didn't volunteer.
I lied to her. I pointed out that she hadn't said what we'd be doing, so I had no idea whether I'd be a good group leader and didn't want to commit to something outside my expertise (though not in those exact words). The truth is that I'd seen her day's schedule on her desk when I wandered the room earlier. I saw she had instructions to hold an exercise looking for volunteer group leaders, and I refused to be her lab rat.
That's all I remember of that encounter itself. I know I wondered afterward what would have happened if I'd told the truth. I wish now that I'd read more of her class plan and learned the goal of the experiment; I'm sure it was well-intentioned whether or not its methodology is questionable today. I wonder, and have for years, whether the answer I gave could have been true or whether it was simply plausible, ultimately no better than a cop-out even in the best circumstance.
Once everyone was seated, the teacher announced we would be breaking into groups for a special activity and called for volunteers to lead them. Every single boy in the class except me raised his hand. Right there, in front of the class and with curiosity in her voice, she asked me why I didn't volunteer.
I lied to her. I pointed out that she hadn't said what we'd be doing, so I had no idea whether I'd be a good group leader and didn't want to commit to something outside my expertise (though not in those exact words). The truth is that I'd seen her day's schedule on her desk when I wandered the room earlier. I saw she had instructions to hold an exercise looking for volunteer group leaders, and I refused to be her lab rat.
That's all I remember of that encounter itself. I know I wondered afterward what would have happened if I'd told the truth. I wish now that I'd read more of her class plan and learned the goal of the experiment; I'm sure it was well-intentioned whether or not its methodology is questionable today. I wonder, and have for years, whether the answer I gave could have been true or whether it was simply plausible, ultimately no better than a cop-out even in the best circumstance.
